Pain is all incompassing.  It touches every part of your life and makes everything a chore.  You struggle to find enjoyment and search for relief.

There are two different kinds of pain.  One called acute pain which is something that comes on quickly and then disappears.  The other is called chronic pain.  It comes and like a bad guest, never wants to leave.  I struggle daily with chronic pain.

Pain is by far the worst feeling in the world, it steals all enjoyment from you and even little tasks are overwhelming.  I would rather be paralized than to live with pain.  Although pain can protect your body by warning you when something is wrong, it can also tear your body apart.

Pain is like the devil’s way to create hell on earth.  I never knew how depressed you can get with pain, especially when it’s so bad you don’t know what to do with yourself.  It can become a never-ending hell hole that you feel you can’t escape from.

Pain obviously is an unseen sensation for which only the patient experiencing it can understand.  When you go to a doctor, they honestly don’t do much of anything except prescribe pain meds, which bring temporary relief for an hour or so after taking it.  Sometimes I wish pain was a deadly disease in which case doctors would try harder to fix it and find an answer.  Maybe then they would do more research on it.  I see it become deadly when people feel they can no longer handle it and no one can help and they lose hope.  They then choose the cowards way out.  That’s so wrong because you need to fight on and you need to keep your hope.  Sometimes it’s all you have.  If it were a deadly disease, I think I would have been dead years ago.

I know it is maybe not right to say, but I sort of envy my grandpa who died a month ago.  Only because he is no longer in pain.  When he was alive, me and him would always complain about pain and how it affects your life.  How it devours and ruins it at times.  It is practically impossible to understand someone in such bad pain unless you your self have endured it.

Pain is like a barrier it keeps you from doing anything in life, literally.  You can’t enjoy anything.   It is easy for other people to say, “think about something else, distract yourself.”  So easy to say for them, but hard to do for someone in pain.

Because of the pain, it’s literally impossible to sleep.  I am not exaggerating.  I try my best to distract myself, even if it means taking a bath at 1am, 2am and 4am.  Just to try to hopefully get rid of the pain at the time.  It gets me nowhere because after I’m done and get out, it gets horrible again.  Pain is horrible at all times, but for some reason is even worse at night.  Probably because I’m just sitting there focusing more on the pain and there is nothing else to think of.

Life is pretty hard to even exist in when you have as much pain as I do.  I’m trying really hard to find ways to handle it.  I have tried hypnosis, acupuncture, I listen to binary beats all the time.  I google a lot to find if there are any other suggestions of things to try.  It seems pain meds don’t work well for me.  The work for such a short time and then wear off and I sit in agony so I need to try new ideas.  I have tried essential oils and yes I tried cannabis.  Everyone told me that it would help.  I get really excited for something new, and then get let down.  I even tried something called a celiac block.  That didn’t work either.

So my question of the day is: Who created pain?  Did God, or did the devil to create hell on earth for people?  Ultimately making you question your faith and question why Jesus would put us through this?  I’d love for you to comment to me what you think.

That’s the problem, when everything goes wrong, we ask Jesus why he let that happen.  Why would he allow pain?  How could such an amazing God let you endure such pain?  In reality God doesn’t do everything of course He has a greater plan for all of us.  I think he feels the pain we feel too and shares it with us.  If I didn’t know him, I’m sure my pain would be worse because I wouldn’t have him to bear it with me.

I was watching Dr Phil the other day and there was a girl who was a “sugar baby” who was only 19.  She would meet random guys and take a lot of risks.  She was in a dangerous “business”.  Her sister had died two years before from an overdose and this girl was now taking drugs too.  Her family was really angry and asked her how she could do this?  Her response was “God has a plan for everyone, and if its in his plan to die in a week, then let his will be done.”  This kind of thinking just makes me really mad. They are basically saying God is in their bad choices.  Doesn’t she know about free will?  That’s not part of Gods plan for her life.  Dr Phil made a good comment back.  He asked her “do you think God is the one sending you sugar daddys and making you prostitute yourself?”

The point is, yes God does do miracles and I’m praying for one of those, but there is free will, we aren’t puppets, and there are things that happen we can’t control and won’t understand.  That doesn’t mean that everything is from God. We can’t blame everything on God.  We need to trust and turn to him for strength and he will get us through it.  My mom said if God brings us to it, he will bring us through it.  We just need to trust.  I choose to trust and to fight on, even when I feel like giving up.  He will get me through.

What do you think?  I’d love to here your comments and thoughts on this.  Thank you




5 thoughts on “Pain

  1. Tammi Crist says:

    Hi Avery, I want you to know I think you are one of the bravest people I have ever known…I know I haven’t met you but I feel like I know you through Dylan and your blogs! You are so honest and so right! I pray for you EVERY day and now I know it is the pain I will pray for!! I wish there was NO suffering too. I know God never said life would be fair, but I like fair! My mom used to say that if life was all perfect we would forget to pray, we wouldn’t need him, but that still sucks when your the one suffering! And I definitely think some people suffer because of consequences for dumb choices. I think when I am mad at this world I curse out Adam and Eve!!! Dang it they had everything!!! Thanks for the consequences ya big weirdos!!!!! Anyway I am going to pray that God gives you an answer! If anyone deserves one you do!!!! God Bless you Avery!!! Love. Tammi

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carrie Daquino says:

    Avery, I enjoyed reading through this blog. I admire you so much and your ability to trust in the Lord despite the circumstances. It is a true testament to your faith. It is such a struggle to know why God allows suffering. I don’t always understand it, and I probably never will here on earth. Whenever I find myself questioning, Chris reminds me of two things. One is that God’s ways are not our ways. There are things only He knows and He does for a reason that we’re not meant to know. The second is that He is loving. He loves us each more than we can imagine. For some reason, it helps me to remember these two things. We continue to pray for you, Avery! We’ll be praying specifically for the pain to cease. Please give our love to your family. We love you guys! Love, Carrie

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Brittany Andersen says:

    Our Amazing Father and loved ones around us get us through each day don’t they! It warms my heart to hear your story. And Ill continue to follow along in your blogging as well! I too have CSS and it is an unusual and emotional roller coaster to say the least. Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, here we all are together, trying everything we can to overcome the pain and maybe even find the concoction that works for our chemical makeup. I think we all MUST rely on one another for experience, knowledge, love, hope, research and fellowship! There is a greater purpose for us all, beyond greatness we could possibly imagine. I believe our path, hard or easy is exactly as He intends. 🙂 May He Bless us and Keep us Avery! I’m going to walk tomorrow, for us all!

    Liked by 1 person

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